Sunday, 2 October 2011

Dead Island

Here's a positively only hate-based review. For this game, I'm going to be pointing out flaws in game mechanics and bugs, that I've seen in my own play-through, and others.

This is a zombie co-op game featuring 4 immune survivors. You get to play as any one of them, and they each have a different kind of rage to get them out of sticky situations. There's an abo girl who uses guns, problem is that you only find guns half way into the game. Her rage is that she pulls out a gun from somewhere. Why can't I use this gun all the time? (As you can probably tell, I'm starting out having weak points, but bare with me).

The chink girl uses knives and other sharp weapons. Her rage is that she pulls out a small dagger that inflicts more damage than your bigger fiery katanas or electric sickles.

The blacky pulls out his fists. He drops his two-tonne sledgehammer and proceeds to kill everything next to him, dealing more damage than his actual sledgehammer. Tying in with this, weapons break in two or three zombie kills, leaving you with your weakest weapons, your damaged weapons or using your fists. For some reason, using your fists inflicts more damage than using any damaged weapon. Visually the weapon looks fine, but it's broken as the game says. Even if the sledgehammers fucking head drops off, swinging around the stick should deal more damage than your fists in any occasion.

Possibly the strongest point I have against this game is that you can break down doors. Usually games let you unlock doors, and bar entrance to others. This game lets you break down certain doors and not others. I'll let you think about that for a sec... You can break down one door, but not another more weaker one. This is outrageous and extremely silly.

This game features zombies and items spawning in the exact same locations, with no randomness. It's better to explain when recounting an actual situation. I've gone into a small generator room, then got out. Two zombies came out of the forest running at me. I killed them, then went back inside. I got out and the exact same fucking thing happened again.

Using melee weapons in this game means that the cursor has to be on the zombie for it to actually hit, even if your character makes a wide swing, he will not get any zombies on his sides.

I've had a woman who was begging me for water. There were two cans of perfectly fine energy drink right next to her. BUT KUTAY, ENERGY DRINK MAKES PEOPLE MORE THIRSTY! Yeah, it probably does, but that doesn't explain why my character can eternally survive just on energy drinks and no water and nobody else can. There's a problem here somewhere, I'll let you figure it out.

Walking through a sea of NPC's will have them whine the exact same fucking lines to you, over and over. When they aren't whining about a quest, they'll whine about themselves. Just shut the fuck up please. I don't want you to whine to me about the same shit whenever I brush passed you.

One girl has a huge cock in her bikini. If you look for her, you can probably find her.

Getting items from inside a luggage bag requires you to hit E to bend down and first open the bag then get up. Then you need to hit E again to collect anything in there. Frustrating more than anything.

Hello escort quests. I've jumped into a car while the person I'm meant to be escorting was continuously running around it. I had to get out, then get back in for some reason and this happened alot more times.

Whenever a character refers to you, they will call you a "he". Problem is that I was playing the chink girl. This isn't really a problem as it only shows how unprofessional the developers are.

In cutscenes, even if I'm only playing one survivor, all of the survivors will appear with me. After a certain quest for example, the camera would swoop around the faces of all the survivors, thanking everyone even if I did all the work. On top of this I'm right in the background.

I'm not even sure I've covered all of the broken game mechanics to be honest, but I can't think of any more so I'll move on.

Pathing for zombies is absolutely fucked. Often zombies would simply be running in place, immune to all damage and just well running in place. Zombies will often appear within your character and attack you from the inside. You will most likely die.

I've taken a car to the petrol station to get some canisters of fuel. I loaded one of them onto the car and decided I needed a break from the game and saved and quit. Upon re entering, only the canister I put into the car hadn't disappeared, and on top of that it wasn't even in my car and didn't have any fuel left in it.

Something else is that I've sometimes dropped through the ground and died. Simple eh, but really confusing when it happens.

Those are all the glitches in the game, and I'm not even talking about the beta or the officially released developer's build. The one where you could press T to noclip around the level. To those who have already played this game, you can feel my pain. To those who are considering buying it, I think the message is clear. Avoid this like the plague.

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